T-Minus 1 Day

Tomorrow I start the Optifast portion of my life. This will be the second time I have attempted to loose weight and keep it off using optifast. I lost 52 pounds the first time. I didn't go through the adjusting phase where you learn to start eating healthy. My mom ended up in the hospital and I promptly put off taking care of myself. It was a choice I made...albeit a bad one. I ended up weighing more than I did when I first started optifast two years ago....

I look at myself now and wonder how did I let myself gain this much weight. I look and feel like a giant blob. I weigh 236 pound, this is the most I have weighed in my entire life. I feel horrible and look horrible. Mentally I feel like such a looser for gaining weight back...now I have 100 pounds to loose. 100 pounds seems like a huge mountain to climb. I need to loose the weight so I can feel better mentally. At this weight, I feel winded going up and down the stairs. It is pathetic. I can hardly walk from my car to my job without feeling horrible. I keep envisioning my heart getting ready to explode.

I need to start taking care of myself. My mom and my sister live with me. Sometimes I feel like I need to do my thing around their schedule. I love them...but I have to take care of me. I need to do what I need to do for myself...which includes walking the dogs to start with....I think this will be a good place to start. They need exercise and I need the exercise....I want to start out slowly so I don't hurt myself or the dogs...

I am a food addict. I use food as a coping mechanism for stress. I need to get over it. I need to take life one day at a time and think about making it through today before looking months down the road.

My plan is to check in weekly maybe more... I am going to post a picture every month... to document my progress or lack there of....

This is a picture of me at pretty close to my all time high weight. my sister and I finished a 10k....

Wish me luck!